The Jone Zone with Ryan Hoffman.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:48 pm

Announcer: Welcome to the place where the shit hits the fan. The bros and the Hoes Unite in holy matrimony and where voices are heard. That’s right; it’s that time of evening, the time of evening where you see the highlight of the night Jake Jones in The Jone Zone.

(Jake Jones is wearing MMA gloves with his wrestling attire and has a smile on his face as he goes around in circles in his chair right behind his desk. He has two new entourage members by his side, both with long beards and no hair. Jake Jones stops messing around and gives the thumbs up to introduce the show.)

Jake Jones: Welcome To the Jone Zone, Hosted by me, Jake Jones. Tonight Im here with two members of my ever changing entourage. The soffmore twins named Bryan and Lion. Now there has been a lot of talk in the media lately. Crows Winning streak, Ports losing Streak, Collingwood on top of the ladder and somehow the most stupid thing in the world is the most talked about and viewed and that thing is the sexuality of Jake Jones and if Jake Jones is in a gay band or a gay entourage or a gay something.

(Jake Jones Laughs as he looks at the two guys next to him.)

Jake Jones: Does this look gay to you. I mean if I was gay and I could choose anyone to be in my entourage why would I choose these guys. But Wait, the Gay group of individuals, put that up on the screen, right there. Yep. Do you see that, Im the only Aussie in a pack of Asians? That’s fucked up right there. Im better looking and more awesome then any of them, there not even in my league if I was gay. Not even Sir Elton Johns in my league, if I was gay, Id be Gay with myself, because no guy in the world compares to me. Im am no doubtable the hottest thing since Prince’s purple rain. This Joke defames me and I find it hilarious why, because someone out there is Jealous of Jake Jones and is trying to ruin him. When I get that call back from the place that published this, Im going to Sue there asses and make millions. So I find it absolutely hilarious, The Rich Get Richer, Minor Popularity gone down, but seriously, who needs friends, when you got cash.

(Jake Jones Pauses and then taps his head.)

Jake Jones: Yes, I almost forgot, We Have a guest tonight on the Jone Zone. Our Very First Guest Ever in fact. Me and Him aren’t the best of friends, actually were enemies. I frankly hate his guts and Im sure he hates mine. He’s Took the title off me in MMA Elite 2 and ever since he’s been rubbing it in. But currently now he is the former Light Heavyweight champion of the world, losing the title at the recent MMA elite 4 to Da Razza. Proving that he is a force that can be stopped making his record 1-1. He’s hoping to beat me this week to prove he is still the main man in this business. While Im trying to do something CB couldn’t do against me last week and tie the not with Ryan Hoffman and be 1-1. But you know what, I Think I’ve had enough time of me talking lets listen to what the underdog coming into the fight has to say, Ryan Hoffman, everyone.[/color]

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:52 pm

(Hoffman walks out and the audience goes crazy for him, he sits down and is about to make his opening statement.)

Thanks everyone, Hello Mr Jones the gayest man alive, i hear you rant on about them not being in your league but they are, you all have small penis's, remember mr inni.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 3:59 pm

(Jake Jones shakes his head.)

Jake Jones: No one Moved, No One clapped. Pre Taped cheer, Just for losers like you no one knows, but anyway. The Jone zone don't discriminate, we even allow anti-kid people. Like Ryan Hoffman here and my two entourage members who are of the beard race.

(Jake Jones Smiles.)

Jake Jones: Ryan Hoffman you’re lucky to even be on this show and Im wondering why you accepting my invitiation after calling me Just a host are you Jealous that Hoffman doesn't have a show, did you expect hoffman to have a show, I Mean The best chance of you being on a t.v hit outside MMA World is Words dangerious criminials, after they lock you up. But seriously I had a contract for you to sign for our rematch for the title and looks like that ain’t happening now, how’s life without the belt and without being the number 1 man around in MMA World?

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:03 pm

(Hoffman looks at Jones and can't help himself from laughing at his face.)

Not having the belt has lifted a lot of pressure of my shoulder but unlike you i know what it feels like to be a champion unlike you. As for us not having the title fight it goes both ways, did you beat that joke of a human being Williams? NO, you got knocked out like you did against me, and the same things going to happen at MMA Elite 5.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:12 pm

(Jake Jones Shakes his head and looks annoyed.)

Jake Jones: I Didn't lose, I Threw the fight. Damian Williams would never beat me in a real fight. Do You think it would have been smart for business, for me to beat up the guy i was alligning with. No. That loss gave me you and thats exactly what I wanted. I Got payed heaps for losing that fight and by the way, you've won one match in this place, don't get cocky.

(Jake Jones looks down at his sheet of questions.)

Jake Jones: Ryan Hoffman, You took a trim to the beard, but it didn’t look like you had the guts to shave it all off. Frankly to me you seem like all talk no game, Explain?

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:16 pm

(Hoffman can't believe what he is hearing coming out of Jones's mouth)

You threw the fight, you got knocked out, you got beat by a second rate fighter, you are a joke as for the beard all talk no game? is that all you ever worry about with me is my beard. I had a trim i never said anything about it being shaved of. I have a beard because i can you don't because your boyfriend dosn't like it

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:25 pm

(Jake Jones laughs.)

Jake Jones: I Knew it, You were gonna make fun of me. Take advantage on the stupid press. Wern't you the one to say this.

"It's going to be hard to fight him now, i don't know if i want to take the fight to the ground for the fear that he will try to get with me." Ryan Hoffman

Jake Jones: I mean Seriously, If i was gonna get with someone, if i was gay, would i go for a guy with an immaturity level of a 7 year old girl. I actually Rate a 7 year old girl higher then you because they don't even know what a penis is yet. but you keep rambling on about tiny penis's, me being gay, im serious. if your gonna hurt me, you gotta try harder. I mean Your terriost Paedofile, beard. Thats funny, You being former champion that really cracks me up and you know what else is gonna crack me up, is when you lose to me.

(Jake Jones smiles.)

Jake Jones: Then we will see whos laughing, ha. but 1 win, 1 loss, seems like your winning streak ended earlier then you wanted it to, weren’t you like 10 - 0 in the lower leagues, But I Suppose what makes a winner is not his streaks but if he can come back from a loss, is that possible for you, to come back and defeat me, I mean Look at me, Look at you?

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:31 pm

Hoffman: Pedofile beard, you just said that you rate a seven year old girl higher than me, an i'm the pedo your a joke.

(Hoffman grabs a drink of water)

Hoffman: As for your knowledge on me as an MMA fighter you should do your research. I've lost before, i have fought in lower organisations and higher organisations, As for me coming of a loss to see how i perform. I think you should think about that yourself, you lost and got an easy fight in CB. CB has not won a single fight at the top level he's that bad he lost to you not once but twice much like how you will lose to me twice.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:41 pm

Jake Jones: Hoffman, Im Two Wins, Two Losses and About to take my Third Victory and its because im the leader of the Australian Top Team, don’t you wish you were still there, so I could train you wrestling style, it seems that is your low point.

(Jake Jones stares at Ryan.)

Jake Jones: Did You Just Steal a bottle of water from my desk, thats Jail Time Mister. I'll have you arrested.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:47 pm

(Hoffman Begins to laugh)

Hoffman: You have your head stuck so far up your ass. What wrestling can you teach me i am an all american div 1 national champion. You think you are so good, you are a stand up fighter, i stood toe to toe with you and i knocked you out, if i wrestle you i will school you like no tomorrow. As for me leaving ATT its the best thing to happen to me. You joined Australian Top Team. That says it all as how bad of a gym it is.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 4:54 pm

(Jake Jones Smiles.)

Jake Jones: I agree and thats why Australian Top Team has been given full support to work in the gym at my house. No Payment what so ever, all you have to do, is pretty much win and you can train in my house, if you lose, its back to the local gym with you. Your an all american wanker from australia. You've never ever been in america before and you stat your an all american. All Americans are born in america, but oh well, Just add to your idiototic rants, random bullshit, no one really is listening to you. I Just got told as soon as you went on how show, the rates plummeted, your only still here because you humor me and I Find your beliefs quite entertaining. Lye some more, come on. Say your a pro-sumo wrestler as well while your at it. Say you trained with ake bono.

(Jake Jones Takes the water away.)

Jake Jones: Im Not paying for your hydration By the way. The knock out was a fluke at MMA Elite 2, I dominated that fight and you got lucky, explain your reaction, were you surprised, beating a man like me in your debut.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:03 pm

You have no idea about anything you are without a doubt the dumbest person i have ever met, you have a tiny penis you could not satisfy your wife that is why i had to for her, and im under the impression its not because you have a small dick its because you like dick. You joined a gay asian group, just to have sex with. You have no idea who i am and where i came from, im an all amrican div 1 wretler because i was born and raised in america i don't know where you get your information from because it is all wrong, when i beat you next before the fight listen to the call out and you will learn that i was born and raised in america you dumb f**k.

As for our last fight and it being a fluke, i don't see how you think you were dominating me, the only thing flukey about it is that your still here. It was a close first round but the judges gave me the first round and i put a stand up clinic on you in the second to knock you out. I was never surprised i beat you, i was only surprised at how bad you were to be given a title shot.

Beating someone like you is like fighting CB, a joke a waste of space. You are a nobody on my record and you never will be, you've only beaten the one guy whos is so shit he can never win. When you start to put a few real wins together you can talk to me.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:14 pm

(Jake Jones Laughs.)

Jake Jones: If you were born in america, you betrayed america by Joining Australias top team. Or it was because you wern't good enough to get into americas top team. Either way sounds bad for you doesn't it. As for talking to you, I Invited you on my show and you accepted my invite. I Didn't wanna talk to you really, I just wanted a title shot, period. But be lucky, I Love gold instead of what these fans wanted, They rather see Damian williams on the show, then a flukey champion that can't hold is title through one title defence. Wow All Words, no championship, maybe The Victory over me tired you out, apparently, The Fatigue after my match put you in such bad shape for your next match two ppvs later.

(Jake Jones Continues on.)

Jake Jones: Now Ryan Hoffman, I have a special thing on my show, where Im going to let you ask me three questions. Now Go Ahead, Give me some good mature questions and I May even Decide to answer them.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:16 pm

How many men have you had sex with?

Do you have AIDs?

Why is your penis so small for a guy who is like 6ft 7inces

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:23 pm

(Jake Jones Smiles and shakes his head.)

Jake Jones: And thats why children can't be given the microphone. You give a child a microphone, they act immature. You give Ryan Hoffman the microphone and the limelight, is immaturity shines from within. His immaturity is outstanding but not wrong. you see Kids that don't get there mothers and fathers attention or get too much end up Like Rapists and People in Jail. Kids that get sexually abused can't find love easy or are sluts. Then Ryan Hoffman was, one of those out spoken shy kids that read harry potter on the bus or he was one of those try to be cool kids, that never was actually cool, but anyways. Thats enough for tonight, see you again next week on the Jone zone, be cool and don't full in the pool. Catcha later Australia.

Announcer: And were out.

Jake Jones: Man your a dickface, I hope I kick you in the balls, By Accident.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:27 pm

(Hoffman gets up and throws his chair in the air in rage, he gets in Jones's face an intense stare down begins.)

Hoffman: Your such a bitch, im going to fuck you up.

(Hoffman pretends to throw a punch, Jones flinches and fulls to the ground, Hoffman walks of laughing at Jones and leaves the set)

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:32 pm

(Jake Jones Chases Hoffman and Wrenches him from the back and pulls him to the front so he can see him eye to eye.)

Jake Jones: Your Swearing is uncalled for man, Didn't your mother ever shove soap in your mouth, because if she didn't I Will and I'll make sure you'll choke on it and so the next words outta for face will be Sorry, I Just Blew a bubble with my mouth.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:35 pm

Hoffman: Nope my mother never tried chocking me with soap but i've heard your dad tried chocking you with something else. (it's a gay joke)

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:37 pm

(Jake Jones Laughs.)

Jake Jones: Yeah I Got it was a gay Joke, But seriously Man. Do you want me to be gay, do you want me to love you. Do you want some of the Jake Suger in your coffee. I Mean seriously, Id hell do a mum Joke, but anyone who made you, should stop and if I Screwed your mother and she had another hoffman, Id have another guys ass to beat.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:40 pm

Hoffman: Luckily for you, you enjoy the pleasure of men and the feeling of strange objects stuck up your ass, so my mother doesn't have to worry bout that, but i can't say the same for your mother, i lied and told her i was wearing protection... opps

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:47 pm

(Jake Jones Grins cockily.)

Jake Jones: My Mother wouldn't go for you, She has somthing called taste. As for you, Going for older ladies, creeppyy. Can't you get ones your age, I Mean seriously, have you even been married. Ryan Hoffman, Paedofile and Now Cougar Lover. My God, when you get older around 60's maybe you'll become a necrophliac, thats the road your going. I Supose alot of child abuse did your dad beat you and have his way with your bottom?

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:53 pm

(Hoffman laughs under his breath, as jones has set him up with another joke.)

Hoffman: The ladies love me what can i say, as for me being beaten by my dad, i think we have differn't ideas of the meaning, when i did a bad thing i got in trouble never beat, but when your dad had a little to much to drink he took you into his room and you were probs the one giving him the beating, if you know what i mean.

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 5:59 pm

(Jake Jones Smiles.)

Jake Jones: Haha, Too Shay. But I Guess, you don't wanna talk about it, You rather pay me out that actually talk about somthing. I Wanna talk about, Your life. The Life you try hard to mask with insults. You mask your life so no one can get in, your lonely, alone, dad's gone, mums gone and the only thing outta life that makes you happy is to insult me, while I have everything and you have nothing.

by goedy18 Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:04 pm

Hoffman: My parents are still together living in a nice town house in Florida, they are as happy as can be. I am that successful i walk into a club point out a lady and i can do whatever i want with her sexually, i have a very successful gym that is making me a lot of money, i make a living out of fighting people like you and you think i'm insecure about my life.

(Hoffman pulls his pants down to show the most impressive penis ever seen in the history of mankind, he looks at the camera with a smirk.)

by JakeJones Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:09 pm

(Jake Jones Laughs.)

Jake Jones: You moved away from your parents, Your still single and losing the battle against time to be a father. Your too old for clubbing, your too old and gross to do anything sexually, your gym is a hide out for geeky kids trying to buff up for hot chicks but give up and have to live out there memberships. you make a living outta fighting people because you didn't get a good education. 1+1 equals punch in the face? as for that penis, im sure as hell not gay cause that doesn't impress me one bit.

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